Today we are going to cover:

1. Techniques to calm and soothe your nervous system when it is overstimulated.
2. Techniques to help process any emotional content that bubbles up as you rest and reboot.
3. Common cultural beliefs that keep us from putting down the stress and letting our bodies and minds recover.
4. Benefits of downregulating your nervous system.

As a type A, ambitious, and motivated individual, I have to actively remind myself that sometimes it's ok to not feel ok; this time of year, that heaviness and the paralyzing effects of what we might label as depression can take you off guard and seem a bit counterintuitive.  Unfortunately, this is a time of the year when more people than usual tend to struggle.  

Some days may be filled with the energy of spring just around the corner, increased sunlight, and warmer weather.  Other days, just making it through the motions of being an adult can feel exhausting, if not impossible. 

It is important to remember that this is ok; to remember that our bodies are reminding us that we need to slow down and engage with ourselves as well as the world in a slower and more introspective way.  

I find the more I fight the pull to go inside and find stillness, the more I struggle.

This is your sign to give yourself permission to: 

• Crawl back into bed mid-day to reset and de-stimulate, even if just for a few minutes. 
• Move slower and put on the cozie socks or clothes. 
• Make that hot stew that warms you and nurtures you from the inside out. 
• Take that extra hot bath or shower to soothe you back to center.
• Turn the devices off early to help settle the mind and body.

There is a rich opportunity to heal and recharge in the quiet moments, in the arms of comfort...and in the sacred space of stillness.

It is important to know and honor the very real fact that, sometimes, our nervous systems just simply need to shut down to heal and rebuild.  This happens best in a safe and predictable environment, often with a person or furry friend that has a calming effect on you. 

Slowing down is not part of our cultural programming, even though it is a fundamental and necessary human process.  The process requires that we slow down long enough to attend to what isn't working anymore, what isn’t in alignment or integrity, and what we have been struggling to carry that never was ours to begin with.

The longer this process is inhibited or not attended to, the longer your personal suffering will continue; in fact, if this process is neglected for too long, your body will manually pull you to a dead stop through sickness, injury, or worse.  Relaxing back the inherited personal judgment and criticism of not being productive (that often leads to shame and guilt), we can choose to have grace and patience with ourselves and find the sweetness in slowing down while our bodies and nervous systems have the opportunity to heal and rebuild. 

Our frenzied need to put meaning to experiences and feelings or ‘understand’ WHY something is the way it is, keeps us at the mercy of the logical and analytical part of the mind.   It is a learned skill as adults to trust the process of setting that aside for a moment.  The felt need to control is at the root of the resistance we feel during this process.  What would happen if you took a deep breath and just surrendered to the process of letting go.  What would happen if you relaxed into the silence of the moment?  Even this question can spike a fear response in people because it has been programmed that if I am not ‘on’, then I will miss something or possibly get hurt.  Understand that this is a normal reaction and remind yourself that you are safe in this moment and practice the skill of disarming your nervous system by relaxing back your mind and body. 

To make it more tangible, here are some common culturally conditioned beliefs that I have seen in myself as well as my clients that inhibit our ability to disarm our nervous systems:

• “If I am not ‘on’ I am not being productive” (self-value attached to producing)
• “If I relax, I’m not safe” (childhood & cultural programming)
• “If I am not productive, I am wasting my time” (my worth is tied up in what I can produce)
• “People that take time for themselves are weak or lazy” (Judgment & criticism)
• “I have to do all the things” (culturally hyper-independent programming)
• “If I take time for myself, that means I am selfish” (Misguided cultural programming)
• “If I slow down, I will have to feel or think about things that are uncomfortable” (avoidance of stacked emotions and experiences that need to be processed)

Personal Story:

This year has been a year of surrender for me.  Stripping away old programming and committing to habits and behaviors that I know support the healthiest version of myself.   Being raised to be independent and proactive, surrendering to the stillness of the moment has been a kicking, screaming internal struggle for me, so I completely get it!  However, there was a moment just a few weeks ago, where I was intentionally settling into this process of downregulating my nervous system with a hot bath when something interesting happened.  A deep sadness and grief bubbled up inside of me, my mind kicked in trying to nail down the reason WHY…but in this case there was no identifiable reason Why.  So, I just followed the grief and sadness.  It flowed through me and found release in tears that felt like they came from my ancestors.  It felt like there were streams of red clay running down my face.  Then as fast as the emotional content came up and moved through me it was gone.  There was such a deep sense of relief on a visceral level that it is hard to explain.  It was like my bones were able to settle and breathe a little better. 

This would have never been able to happen if I had not INTENTIONALLY carved out space for my nervous system to untether itself from the demands I consistently put on it.  This would have never happened had I not known that there is the pure magic of transformation in the in-between moments.  This is why it is so important to me to share these things with you so you might begin to imagine a new way of walking through the world.  So you might experience a new way of being in your own body.

Benefits of downregulating your nervous system to heal and rebuild. 

• Stress Reduction: Stress is one of the leading contributors to the most common diseases today, including Heart disease, Digestive issues, High Blood pressure and sugar, depression, and obesity.  
• Neuroplasticity: Your brain is able to access the wealth of information from your subconscious and identify patterns, access insight, creativity, and innovation
• You will be able to connect in a more meaningful way with those around you.
• Quality and quantity of sleep will increase.
• Sex drive will increase (yes, you heard me right!)

Normally I pull from powerful tools and techniques to shift your state and enhance awareness, but today, we are allowing for the disarming of the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS), and proactively engaging the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS).

So how do we switch from the Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight, Flight or Fawn) to the Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest, Digest, and Recover)?  To do this we pull from poly-vagal theory. 

Poly-vagal theory was proposed by Dr. Stephen Porges and is a foundational component to many trauma and somatic therapies. The vagus nerve is the 10^th cranial nerve and is the main component of your Parasympathetic Nervous system.  Practicing some basic exercises to tone and engage the vagus nerve will facilitate your ability to slow down and disarm the overactive fight or flight aspect of the nervous system that keeps us in an over-extended and unhealthy stress response.

Pulling from polyvagal theory tools and techniques, there are a few things that can help calm your nervous system when it is in need of deep rest and repair. 

1. The reason why some people or furry friends may help to calm us is something called co-regulation which is part of your social engagement system.  By interacting with people or animals that make us feel safe we are hard-wired to disarm our survival instincts and deepen the bonds of connection.
2. Weighted blankets can have a calming effect on the body and help to send signals to the brain that you are safe.  Some people create a similar effect by piling up blankets or wearing particularly heavy or fitting long underwear.  
3. Extended exhales are always a go-to strategy because it is a reliable way to manually downshift if your sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system is struggling to disengage naturally.  When you take a deep breath in through the nose, make sure your belly expands; then, double the amount of time you exhale through your mouth compared to the length of the inhale. 
4. A low-tone humming sound can help to stimulate your vagus nerve (king of the parasympathetic, rest- digest and recover aspect of the nervous system) and have a calming effect.  If you are already relaxed, this can further deepen your relaxed state. 
5. Triangle Breathing: You can manually stimulate your vagus nerve by doing Triangle Breathing which tones your vagus nerve as you belly breathe in the diaphragm as well as in the neck when you drop your chin. 

• Breathe in for a count of 4. At the top of the inhale, close your nose and mouth while you hold your breath for another count of 4 and drop your chin to your chest.  Lift your chin back up and exhale for a count of 4. Repeat for 10 rounds.

This is a skill that requires practice.

Calming your nervous system to heal and rebuild is a skill and like any skill requires training.  As adults, we likely did not learn these things from watching our parents or even less likely, in school, so it is up to us to intentionally practice downregulation.  The more people that learn to balance their stress and rest response the healthier, more creative and emotionally even keel we will be as a whole.  These are gold standard tools and techniques you can use with your kiddos or other loved ones that struggle with overwhelm and stress in their lives.

What do I do with stuck emotions that might bubble up?

The last thing I want to share with you is what to do with any uncomfortable emotions that might bubble up after you have disarmed the protective, fight-or-flight response.  Many people avoid this process in general because they don’t know what to do with unprocessed emotions. 

I coach my clients to imagine that right through the core of their torso, there is a PVC pipe that opens and just let the emotional content naturally move up and out of the PVC pipe.  We don’t always need to have a reason why or a narrative around the experience; just let the sensation move through you, and it will shift, change, or completely dissipate. 

Remember: Emotions are just information in motion.  So, when you give them the time to get unstuck and move through you, often, you will get insight, closure, or relief naturally. 

Another technique is to write or journal about what you are feeling inside.  That helps to move the stuck emotion as well and will often bring insight and relief.  You can use the following prompts below to assist in this process:

Prompt #1: Does this emotion have a message for me? Is there something that it is trying to tell me?

Prompt #2: Am I holding onto this emotion for some reason or by holding onto this emotion is it benefiting me in any way?

Prompt #3: Is there anything that is misaligned in my life that is causing or perpetuating this emotion?

Prompt #4: What does this emotion need to heal or feel better?

Pro Tip: If you notice that the initial emotion moved through and you have relief, notice if there might be another layer under the initial stuck emotion that is asking to release as well.  For example: If the initial emotion was anger and it has passed, there will likely be a flavor of another emotion, such as betrayal or sadness, underneath the anger. 

Make sure to print out the handout below as an easy guide for:

1. Common culturally programmed beliefs that prevent us from slowing down and healing.
2. 5 tools to use when you are learning to access a more restful and rejuvenating state.
3. 2 techniques to release emotions trying to process through your nervous system with writing prompts.

When you feel the pull to slow down and at times, even shut down, I hope this gives a little more perspective on the genuine importance of this process as well as some techniques to make it easier.  And remember, this really is a skill that will take time and practice to bring your stress and rest responses back into a healthy balance. 

Don't forget to download the cheat sheet I created for you below!